Eyes on the prize. I feel like that’s all I can hold on to right now. It’s that time of year: finals. We are approaching our last week of classes and then a week of finals and then the year is over. The first year of seminary, almost done, hard to believe. And I can’t wait. It’s been a good year, but I’m ready for it to be done.
Classes this semester have been a challenge. With the exception of preaching, I have really struggled to remember why they are important and how what I am learning makes any difference. It’s been a semester of facts and dates. A semester of memorization, trivial information, and endless papers.
I’m filling out a lot of paperwork this week for applications and psychological evaluations and internships and everything else under the sun; and, the question keeps coming up: what are your vocational goals? Where do you see yourself after graduation? What is your vision for what your ministry will look like?
Well. hell if I know. Stop asking. I know I’m in the right spot. I know I’m supposed to be here. But, that’s all I got. Frankly it feels like a lot. And, most days, I’m okay with going just one step at a time. I’ve worked really hard to be okay with not knowing what the future will bring, with giving up my illusion of control.
But, these questions, they make me question the fact that I don’t know. And, frankly, that doesn’t help me with my finals. It’s hard enough to try and figure out why this is all relevant when I am overwhelmed – rubbing in the fact that I still have no clue how I’ll make use of any of this information is not helpful.
I’m ready for the summer.
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