I feel like I should begin everything I write these days with the phrase, “what strange times we’re living in.” But eventually, I suppose, that gets old. Perhaps I’m slower than most or perhaps you, too, are still spinning from the rapid changes that we’ve seen in the past two weeks. I keep alternating between thinking that this feels like the beginning of a dystopian novel and wondering if this is closer to what it was like back in pioneer days (or some distant past when social distancing and safe at home were every day realities). I think I spent the majority of last week trying to wrap my head around this new situation and trying to figure out what being a pastor stuck at home with two kids looks like. The end result, sadly, was not insightful wisdom, but rather increased anxiety, moments of despair, and a lot of naps.

Fortunately, I had Spiritual Direction (which I do by phone) and so I was able to begin naming all my anxieties, questions, frustrations, and yearnings. And, I was able to hear the reminder that we all process things at our own pace and in our own way—and that there are gifts in how each of us responds to things. I’ll admit that I have to remind myself of that many times a day, but the reminders help me need fewer naps and help me appreciate the gifts that this time and these circumstances have to offer as well as how my own personality, responses, and gifts might be a gift to others.

The gifts in your life are undoubtedly different, but for me, they are:

• More time with my kids (it turns out that I like helping our eight-year-old with his schoolwork, and who wouldn’t love the extra cuddles and giggles that come from being around a three-year-old all day.
• Being home which, as an extreme introvert, is where I’m most comfortable.
• More time outside (because my children need more time outside so their craziness doesn’t explode all over our house).
• More time with our dog, who is getting older and won’t be with us forever.
• Opportunities to take care of small house projects that have been neglected for too long (like our dryer vent hose, which was disgusting!). 

It’s still true that the challenges remain: 

• I haven’t yet figured out how to work at home with two young kids and a husband who owns his own business (which means he would work all the livelong day if we would let him, which we won’t, because we’re mean like that).
• I’m getting better at dividing my time rather than my attention, so I can focus on being with my kids during some periods and getting work done during others, but getting better means that “every now and then I can see how I might someday be able to do that and why I might want to.”
• I miss having space and time to myself.
• Our three-year-old still asks twice a day where we’re going after “nap time” (any time she sleeps) and still asks “why?” when we respond that we’re going nowhere.
• Our eight-year-old misses his friends and can get a little explosive being stuck around the same people all day every day (can’t we all?).

So, you know, it’s a balancing act, a tightrope walk, a day by day, hour by hour, 15 minutes by 15 minutes kind of life that I’m living in this moment in time, even as I recognize how lucky we are to have a home, to be healthy, to not have immediate economic concerns. Because life is always both/and isn’t it? 

How are you faring in these first weeks?